`[Khai]ri

the end.

2009-05-29T00:09:00.003+08:00

exactly 300 posts.

this is gonna be my last here. probably my last for the near future as well.
everything is very tight and unfortunately, i think it's high time i give this up.
all the memories will be safely kept in the archive of this blog.
sweet, painful, sad, cheerful.

from time to time i checked back and realized how much i have gone through since the first i opened this blog. tears. right now all i can think of is.... i dunno. i can't even think. it's too hard for me to express myself at this moment.

farewell to all readers. farewell to you. farewell to me.
i wish you all had a great read at my blog and hopefully, if situation permits, i'll open up a new one.

take care dear readers.
and goodbye.

borreeedd...

2009-05-21T13:57:00.002+08:00

it seemed like it was dinosaur times when Naim last had a sleepover at my house. finally, last night, he did. just a simple2 sleepover. funny we didn't catch up much ey. Naim, sleep my house again. k bye.

anyways, i cleaned my room, alone. believe it or not. actually that was my purpose of quitting work in the first place. so i can clear all my stuffs and organize them properly before the end of this month. still got alot to tidy up but the mood just died. laziness is too strong in me. i need to get rid of it.

hmm.. i guess that's about it. see how dull life is now that i'm not working. kerja, complain. tak kerja, complain. haizz. manusia2..

bleargh..

2009-05-20T15:03:00.000+08:00

sometimes i get so bored, i dunno what to say.

can somebody give me a topic? i miss continuous writing.

Dear Enlistee,

2009-05-20T01:00:00.000+08:00

DIRECT ENLISTMENT INTO THE SINGAPORE POLICE FORCE

Please note that you are required to report for enlistment for National Service according to the date stated in the Enlistment Notice at Home Team Academy, ...

just when i thought i was gonna sign up for the SPF voluntarily and tie the bond, this came up. how cool is that. it's like, destiny. haha.

aaaahh.. (interpret it in any tone)

2009-05-18T17:49:00.004+08:00

pretty much this. passed RTT (cheat my feelings. i thought it's gonna be really difficult.). next prac on next monday night (since it is compulsory to have one night riding practical for prac 6 and monday's the earliest). when i was at the booking kiosk, i literally wanted to shout, "lagi seminggu?? LAMA SIA KENE TUNGGU!!!"

by the time it's the 25th. then i'm left with tuesday, wednesday, thursday and friday before i fly off. the next TP test is on 25th June. i should be back in Singapore just nice to take the test. IF i'm able to complete (or pass) two more pracs and one evaluation in four days. dun even have time for revision. maybe i should just schedule to be back home earlier. that'll solve the problem, i think. sigh.

so anyway, i'm gonna relieve my craving soon, hopefully.
it's sweet, it's really tasty, and smells fantastic. sometimes when you look at it, you just have to take a bite. sometimes all you need is the smell to make your day. sometimes i even dream of it. by the way, it's one of the most beautiful among other things i've ever seen. guess what it is. *winks*

hanging (part 2)

2009-05-18T00:41:00.003+08:00

back with another update.. firstly, with the match report.

Admiralz FC 0:0 Y Homeless FC

tough game. tackles flying everywhere. both teams had their chances at goal but neither seized the opportunities. everyone paddled to the finish and the result was a fair one. arguably the one of the most aggressive games for us. one of the opponent's players had to be sent to the hospital after a rough 50-50 challenge with Halil Mustafa, our strong center back. Admiralz also had a taste of injury. none other than, me.

wasn't anyone's fault though. it was an accident. i took too much time to release the ball, that guy tackled early. a full swing kick that landed in his studs. i made the injury for myself. now i can hardly walk. especially going up the stairs. can't do that. i can't bend it even for a little cos it will be too painful. but i'm strong. what do you expect, Khairi? it's a contact sport. so no complaints. =)

one thing i regret though. i haven't had any injuries for a very long time. this one seems to be the worst so far. i'm just glad and thankful it's not even worse, like any fracture or that sort. I am Mas Khairi, the one with the right limp. hehe.

insyAllah there's gonna be a next season. in August if i'm not wrong. oh and btw, hooray. Manchester United won the EPL, again! history is made, first team to win 3 years in a row for the Premiership. now we're the same as Liverpool with 18 EPL titles. though they disappointed in the game against Arsenal, important thing is, they are champions now.

soccer aside. what's up?

i'm currently considering the choice of waiting for the NS letter to be delivered to me, or sign up for the Singapore Police Force. my guess is i'll settle with the latter and agree to that 5 years bond. Dad advised and said it was up to me, so i think i'll go with it. it all depends now on when i should apply for it. i'm just afraid that if i apply now, the letter for the interview date will come when i'm overseas. if i don't apply now, i still have time to really weigh the pros and cons before making my decision after i'm back. hmm..

23rd's coming soon.

here comes the start of every sleepless nights,
the first of every tear i'm gonna cry..
here comes the pain..
here comes me wishing things had never changed,
and she was right here in my arms tonight..

hanging..

2009-05-17T11:01:00.003+08:00

now that's Graduation's done, i'm left with nothing else to do. no school. no job (which is kinda of my decision). my flight's confirmed to be on the 30th of May. i got like 2 weeks plus stay left in Singapore and i dunno what i'm supposed to do. well. but i got a plan somehow. that's for when i'm back in Singapore safely. not sure if it's gonna work out, but i've thought of it seriously. asked for opinions here and there. just waiting for the time to really approach that situation.

my whole body's aching due to overphysical activities, i think. or maybe i'm sleeping way too late everyday. later at 1pm there's an Admiralz FC match against the top of the table again. we'll see how it goes. i'm just hoping the weather won't be too hot like it is now.

i'll update again soon. i'm behind time right now. gotta go.

Match: Admiralz FC vs Y Homeless FC (2nd leg)
Venue: Boon Lay Secondary School
Time: 1pm

good luck to Admiralz and me. chow.

dripping..

2009-05-14T23:48:00.005+08:00

Dear Zulaiha,

i love you and i miss you.
that's all baby.

hair day

2009-05-13T00:46:00.003+08:00

what the title says does not justify the truth of the actual event. i dunno whether i'm supposed to be angry, or sad, or disappointed. my hair is a disaster.

i dunno if it's just me, but people are staring me the moment i'm about to walk past them. i think it's my hair. makes me look like Mat-Rep in the making. aku tak sukeeeeee....!!

i just hope by Graduation Day, which is in two days, my hair will grow a little bit longer so i can push them towards one side. right now, the length is like that of the guy who just got booked out from BMT. suppppeeer short. my eyelashes are longer sia. i know it's exaggerating but what the hell?? i think it'd be much better if i were to go to that salon and say 'i want botak!' and get this as a result.

anyway, thanks to Aliff for accompanying for the haircut. it's been ages since we talked. next thing i know he's a muscles expert-to-be. he gave me so many tips about building up or toning the body that i can't remember all. now i'm motivated to exercise more.

oh, and after getting this haircut, i imagined the look on someone's face if that someone were to see me with this hair. it made smile and somehow brightened up my day. just by the thought of it. i think it'll be like O.O !! haha.. hey, i miss ya.

aku pasrah..
hanya Tuhan yang memahami perasaan ku di saat ini..
oh rambut, cepatlah tumbuh..

respect.

2009-05-11T23:52:00.007+08:00

before i begin, apologies for the lack of updates. it was either a matter of busy-ness or just a blank mind. that done, here we go.

i have something to voice out. i don't know how this would be accepted by the people who are reading but i think i have the right to speak freely in this thoughts arena of mine. the issue here is Parents. not in general but for what i have experienced from the pair of my own.

parents are essential in our lives. no matter how we deny it, we won't be in this world without them at first to have us born. that said, it is already crystal clear that they are the ones we should respect the most and be filial to. in fact, it goes without having to be said. so what are our roles as children?

our obedience to them is the utmost important. especially to a Mother. for me, i will never get to experience the battle of life and death just to bring a newborn into the Earth. and i'll never understand the pain of having to go through with it. that is the reason all children are supposed to honour their mothers more than their fathers.

we all know how mothers are. they nag. they can be fussy. and other things that i'm sure you'll understand. all for our own benefits. yes, that i do understand. sometimes i wonder if they are abusing their powers. the power of a Mother. if you're catching my drift, you'll understand that it is not fair at all for us to be treated that way. but what can we do?

it is a sin to talk back to your Mother. a sin to go 'aaah!' when she requests something. a very big sin to make her shed tears. does that mean that they can use this as shields (and weapons at the same time) whenever we try to explain that what they are doing is wrong? is it even worth defending your rights as a child then?

even Parents make mistakes. as children, i believe we should tell them of theirs and make them realise that not only children get into a pool of their own troubles sometimes. they should know that what they keep telling us are not always right. they should know that we do have feelings too and they have no right to take that away from us just by using sin as a protection, or a scapegoat if it's the right word to use.

i am not leaving aside the fact that we should respect them no matter what they have done wrong or said. all i'm asking is that Parents should realise that their egos should be thrown far away and accept their mistakes should they have any. i get angry when people in general will not admit to their wrongs and put the blame on others. that is exactly what i faced with my Parents. what am i to do? nothing. just shut the hell up and nod along. is that fair? i don't think so.

you know what's the irony of everything i just said? yesterday was Mother's Day. i'm scratching my head with nothing more to say. i'm just relieved and thankful that i have the patience to control my feelings.

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should i continue working? i'm tired. but it's useful to know that i have cash sleeping sweetly in my wallet all the time. i still got time to spare but i wanna have time for my own too. work or leisure? Dad keeps pestering me about this issue and i'm dumbfounded.

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anothe phase of life..

2009-05-07T22:47:00.002+08:00

worked my ass off.
finally, tomorrow is my last day.
i've had such a great experience working there.
so many things learned that i believe not many have the knowledge to.
though i'm not skilled in that area, at least i got the theory.

one thing i'm not gonna forget bout this assistant job, is that i learned everything the hard way. patience, energy and strong will are very important in this technical line. my hands were dirty everyday, had to breathe dust, getting cuts every single day, sweating all the time, itches everywhere, and empty stomache due to very late lunchbreaks.

i do receive criticisms and sometimes sarcasm too. from my dad also from the pakcik. only hear the good things, and learn from the bad ones. i can't deny it makes me feel stupid and useless once or twice because of their words but i had to deal with it. that's how i learned the hard way.

nevertheless, there were enjoyable times too. i'll never forget that pakcik. insyaAllah someday we'll work together again. we listened to the radio while working. Power 98 and Gold 90 FM usually. maybe 10 years from now, and the songs that he sang to played on the air, i'll definitely remember him.

you know the song from Lady Gaga, with the "cherry cherry boom boom". he loved that song. he sang that part and it was cute. for someone already 60 plus of age, he's the sportiest old man i've ever met. what about Fall Out Boy - America's Suitehearts? he called that the Kodomo song. i dunno if you'll understand why he labelled that song that.

and my dad. seeing him work was an eye-opener for me. though he keeps saying the same things over and over again, i know it was important for me and for my own good. i followed him almost everywhere and i believe strongly that if it weren't for the shortcomings our family has, he'll be one of the top in business. he's damn good at what he does. i guess luck is just not on his side.

anyway, tomorrow end of project. my last day of work. and then i'm flying off to Indonesia again three weeks later. i had a plan, but my plan failed. i guess i'm gonna be really doing some thorough soul-searching. but i believe i have already found my soulmate. a silent prayer.

i hear the laughter, i taste the tears, but i can't get near you now.
oh can't you see it baby. you've got me going crazy.
i wonder how we can survive, this romance.
but in the end if i'm with you, i'll take the chance.

Dear God,

2009-05-07T00:15:00.003+08:00

i hate being trapped in my own thoughts. it's hard to get out of it. it's not like i'm thinking about many things. i'm just thinking about one.

dust begins to fall, to the ground.
the air is cold and thin.
thoughts are haunting me, as i look around.
this will never end, and i'll bleed forever.

baby, i needed nothing more.
nothing more than you.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away.
what if our Love never went away?

(insert title here)

2009-05-05T23:27:00.007+08:00

words.

i am at lost for words.

how often does this happen?

i need someone. someone who will open the door the moment i reach the doorstep, with a smile that melts all my worries away, making me feel younger as we grow older together. And i can help her find those missing keys she misplaced.

i wish you well..

2009-05-05T01:00:00.002+08:00

sunrise.
i wish to see the sunrise.
shine into my eyes and stare.
make me feel light.
lift me above the clouds.
let me fly.

sunset.
i wish to see the sunset.
give me the moon to watch.
the beauty of the imperfections reveal.
sparkle into me, dear stars.
hypnotise me.

appreciate those you love.
hold them close.
never let go.
though eternity lasts forever and a day;
love - alone - can't survive.

my say..

2009-05-03T20:30:00.002+08:00

things happen for a reason. life can be very unfair towards us. you may not understand how much it hurts when the weight goes heavier against our wants. wasted tears will not help even if they turn into blood.

we plan. let Him decide.

if you mean it well, it will end well.

p/s: i love you.

tongue tied

2009-05-03T01:39:00.004+08:00

it's too often when we decide things for ourselves before the future really did show up for itself. that's when the decision made in the past seemed so wrong for the present, though we already anticipated things are gonna go the way we expected it to go.

just like the ball is round, life is full of uncertainties. for example, diseases. when we thought one was ending, a new one came which hit the world hard. people are infected and dying at a progressive rate. before we know it, as i pray at this moment that it won't, another disease might come again. that is the negativity of the future that we cannot foresee.

on the other hand, what good the future brings does give us the anxiety of living towards it. for example, a very rare opportunity comes rolling at your feet. what do you do? take it or leave it and move on? whatever choice we take, that decision in a way either benefits or proves itself useless for us in days/months/years to come. the anxiety of it is, we want to take the opportunity because we believe strongly of the benefits it will bring us, but are very concerned of some things that might or might not happen when we decide to take it.

my point is, a good decision made now might not be good anymore in the future. as i said, we cannot foresee what's gonna happen in the days beyond today.

Dear God, i pray to you..
show me the light of Your path and lead me to the direction worth for me to live.
i need Your guidance for me to create a path of my own.
whatever decisions i may make, i wish all to be happy.
please give me the strength to assure the people i love that i won't be a different person no matter which path i choose.
i love them much. very, very much..

i have some news. but it won't be out that soon.
i got some personal issues to clear out first. beginning with myself.
i got some things to settle with me. rough things. nasty things.
then, we'll take one step at a time.

anyways, will be a match tomorrow at Marsiling Sec Sch.
Admiralz FC vs Y Homeless FC
they're at the top of the table. we're gonna bring them down.

till then, enjoy your last weekend. Take care people.

alone.

2009-04-28T00:32:00.000+08:00

i feel like crying.

i can't say what i'm feeling.

but i can't keep it.

suffering in silence.

silence is all i have now.

Cousin Love

2009-04-28T00:03:00.004+08:00

Happy 16th Birthday to dearest cousin Naim.
why i say dearest? cos we're gay.
gay people are happy.
thus, Happy Birthday. tak perlu.

him on the left, me on the right.

i can't find a picture of him revealing his face ONLY.

always wondering

2009-04-27T23:02:00.005+08:00

was i a second too late?
how late was i?

silence. crushed. alone.
at least a word, only for me, if it's the least i could ask for.

i was singing..

"every night i pray,
i'll have you here someday,
i count the stars tonight,
and hope with all my might.

but when i close my eyes,
you're not there by my side."

what went wrong there?
sigh. all my only dreams.

a cut that enlightens..

2009-04-27T12:59:00.004+08:00

i have a question that i'm sure everyone will agree on. some may have the answer and understand why it is that way. for me on the other hand, i am totally clueless as to why it happens and why it has to.

people have opinions, and most differ from each other. opposites attract don't they? similar ones click fast and blend well together. it all depends on the individual itself.

while i was working, having my hand cut accidentally here and there, a thought suddenly appeared in my mind. a cut can be deep, or slight, or long. some remains painful after a while, but some just release the ouch factor for a second and then it's no longer as painful as it was before. one thing that does not argue, no matter how painful or irritating the cut may be, after we attend to it and attempt to heal it, we move on and forget about the pain. sooner or later, it's gone and we don't even realise.

some way or another, life is like that. again, it falls to the individual itself. whether they choose to heal the pain, or let it be. to heal it and move on, or to let the pain cure itself which takes a much longer time and provides more suffering.

sorrowful days come and go. happiness is a gift like no other.

gotta get back to work. take care. keep smiling.

p/s: i think about someone all the time. how is she? sigh.

believance

2009-04-26T00:26:00.002+08:00

I wonder if the people I love treat me as insignificant.. Hmm?

i feel it, yet i dun. for me, that's not true.
love and insignificance dun complement each other.
that's only me.

anyway,

2009-04-25T23:54:00.002+08:00

i passed my TTT (Theory Trial Test). with my RTT (Riding Theory Test) in less than a month to go, i'm already starting to lament on every train and bus ride that i have to take. imagine the troubles that'll be saved by the bike if i were to already have my own.

no more cramped trains, no more standing in the bus, and having all the time i need. go anywhere, anytime. i am so very impatient right now. please, i wanna get my license NOW. sigh.

p/s: there's a hidden meaning behind this.

hunting high and low

2009-04-25T23:23:00.004+08:00

where do i start searching
for that woman i dream of at night
how do i send my cuddles
to make sure that she's alright

why is there a must
to compromise something for the other
how do i pick out her voice
whispering behind the thunders

when can i see her
that woman i truly need
how do i capture her smile
if her face is in her hands; buried

what should i be doing
in a situation as aching as this
how do i counter the pain
with the love that my heart carries

i can sense the pounding of her heart next to mine. cos she's the sweetest love I could find. well, here i am. if only i could have her within the reach of my hand and she's sound asleep, she'll be sweeter now than the wildest dream.

35th? shit happens

2009-04-23T23:47:00.003+08:00

it was only yesterday when i thought things were going perfectly well. now, whatever i do or say, it's gonna turn out to be me at fault somehow.

good things dun last. they invite mishaps. i dun understand what is wanted out of me. what's my purpose of being there. for me to be concerned of something beyond my knowing is difficult. it's like i think i know what's going on, then the next minute, turns out what i thought was wrong cos it's all hanging with no answers and it is so damn frustrating. i cannot get a grip of the situation, including myself and the people involved. see, with me saying this, i'm already creating trouble for myself. i just dunno what to do.

when will all this end? when i'm not around? there is a very obvious difference having my presence and otherwise.

what is happiness? i'm doubting my own.

i dun wanna talk. i dun wanna ask. i'm tired. exactly that.

searching for the missing

2009-04-21T00:34:00.002+08:00

Where's your heart
when I was waiting for words of love
Tears slipped as night befalls

Your steps begin to quicken
Stepping beyond the lines of yearning
And i start to search
for the sun a million miles away

Make some time for me
Soothe me your blissful affection
Ache does my heart
as I lose your reflections

I gripped hold the wind of yesternight
Kept it to a lullaby
I wrapped my arms around my black shadow
as the foundation to my lonely dreams

a life of no else

2009-04-21T00:23:00.005+08:00

someone's there. maybe there's no presence. but i know someone's there.

i can't feel it. i can't hear it. but someone's there.

i can't talk to it. i can't interact with it. but someone's there.

it sucks feeling all alone, i know.

darkness falls. emptiness encloses.

search high.

search low.

nothing. only me, myself, i.

negativity of the net.

2009-04-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

the internet connection is making me fuming mad. i feel like smashing this laptop to the walls and let it crash to the ground just to vent my anger out of the slow connectivity. just to get to blogger took me 20 minutes. then i had to restart the system cos it was too S.L.O.W!!!!! now i'm back. with no mood to blog about anything.

the internet makes us very impatient people.

solitary.

2009-04-17T00:29:00.000+08:00

we plan for the future; when we see it through our blind minds, it all seems beautiful.

have we ever thought of how things would be like in the future if what we do now does not bring us towards that lane of success?

even then, He decides it for us in the end.

i guess it's up to fate really. destiny awaits; what's mine?

what a day

2009-04-14T16:20:00.001+08:00

today started with a blow. a low blow. had my prac early in the morning and guess what? i got into an accident. it was even merely an "accident". one thing i know is I AM NOT IN THE WRONG. that car in front of me made a very slow turn and stalled or jam break out of the blue. i was in gear 1 with clutch control, at a SAFETY FOLLOWING DISTANCE. if that crashbar wasn't there on the bike i would have evaded the car so very cleanly.

the irony of it was today's lesson involved emergency break. i had to put use the first practical training under real circumstances. the "accident" wasn't a big deal though.

what sucked even more was that my instructor responded to it like an asshole. he was a dirty, smelly non-washed asshole. then his other friend called the stupid ass-wipe came along with accusations under no evidence or an eyewitness or whatever.

i din know i could actually get that mad like i did this morning. i made those instructors bite their words and punched it in for them to swallow. that asshole immediately kept quite and the ass-wipe started "showing sympathy". i din give a heck and took off with the bike. i think that's why i was the first that they called to repeat. they gave me the immediate failure i suppose.

you know that feeling when you know someone cares about you when you're low in self-esteem and all your anger/pain/sorrow/heartache washes away? yeah. i know that feeling.

luckily for me, the other quarter of the day was much better. work was very relaxed and i got to go home early. i'm thankful for that.

tomorrow's another prac and i'm gonna nail it. just dun show me those faces and i'll do just fine. Take care!

back to the future..

2009-04-13T21:42:00.005+08:00

my mind's exhausted of thinking too much. physically shagged as well. wow. 3 weeks of working. that's 3 weeks i'm never gonna get back. it'll be a month before i know it. will i ever get those free times back? those times when i can choose to do what i want, whenever i want.. *sigh

as more time passes, i begin to miss a lot of things. every now and then, i keep reminiscing and smiling to myself. sometimes, it aches my heart too when i realize that those days are long gone. even now, i'm having flashbacks of different genres. ahh.. one moment it's beautiful and the next thing i'm asking how cruel life can be at times. it is too short for negativities.

imagine one minute of silence. then imagine one minute of laughter. one minute of war. one minute of sharing. one minute of heartbreak; the one minutes of life.

can't time replace all dark memories into colourful candids of the present and create only wonders to the future? i wish..

my goal drought ends

2009-04-12T22:53:00.003+08:00

i scored today. after so long. i'm proud of myself. it was supposed to be a joyous occasion and i wanted to spell the celebration as a surprise. sadly, it wasn't how it turned out but i'm still pretty satisfied with my goal. yeah!

Admirals FC 5:2 Singapore Polytechnic Sports Club

the scoreline says it all. we owned the game. i learned a new technique today. watch and learn. now i understand how poch and aliff and syukri and those cool dribblers out there can run through their opponents with ease. it's not about skill. it's about patience. tt's how i got to score today. patience in making room for myself to fire a shot. oh, and i need to train on my shooting.

i went out of the house today with bandage wrapped around my left ankle and a black Nike ankle guard on my right. it really helps to lessen the itch caused from work. prevention is better than cure. now i dun feel like taking them out. it's hot but feels nice. now i can shower without going ouch all the time. yey.

be strong, babe;

2009-04-12T22:49:00.001+08:00

i am so tired fullstop

2009-04-09T20:07:00.005+08:00

i guess work is taking too much of my time.

i'm tired. i worked extra hard today. did everything i see is not done. barely a minute i stopped to steal some rest. i dunno. guess too much is on my mind. so much things to balance and so little time to schedule it. they say, "in prison, you would do anything to keep yourself occupied.". i say, "when your head's not thinking right, it feels like in prison.". that explains why i was much more voluntary today.

i'm happy though. i know i'm doing something that is gona benefit me in the long run. though the time constrain is a little too much for me to handle, i believe i'll be able to manage just fine. commitments here and there. am i the type of person who makes decisions without properly weighing the pros and cons of the outcome? as much i dun believe i am that type of person, a little part of me thinks that i do take things for granted at times.

sigh..

i guess this is what life is about. when it comes to a certain point, you will be forced to make choices. there'll be three or four pathments in front of you and you can only choose one. after choosing, you venture that pathment for long and decide that it was a mistake and want to turn back, only realising that the journey is much too far to waste, so you have to move on. continue down that broken road which will eventually lead to another crossroad.

for me, i realised that no matter how far i go down that broken road, no matter how many times i fall down, no matter how many turns i make, no matter how much sorrow it brings me, it finally leads me straight to one direction. that fated direction, i believe so. and i believe that God blessed the broken road.

i'm thankful. and i certainly am grateful. however, it seems that life is much too cruel to leave us at being happy. this is no cinderella, or beauty and the beast, or snow white and the seven dwarves, where eventually there is a happily ever after. this is reality, where happy endings only occur when you are strong enough to stand by your decisions, pull through the failures, and be brave to face the future.

like i said before, i've always did my best to make everyone happy. i've always only wanted the best out of everything. family, friends, relationship, work, passion; all those that makes me who i am. i dun want to have to compensate one thing just to get another.

of every single thing that defines me, i have a common fear. that fear is to lose any of them. i'm sure everyone does too. who wants to lose someone or something they love? however, there are also different fears for each of them. and i'm telling you, i really fear my fears.

i just recently encountered one fear. i hate that fear. i know it was gonna happen sooner or later. but i was not prepared for it. because i never want it to happen.

i guess it's just me and my thoughts. sigh..

anyway, bro is leaving for Taiwan tonight. pray that he'll be safe. pray that he'll buy for me something there. pray that he'll clean up this room before he leaves.

and i just realised that tomorrow is Good Friday. wth?! i dun even know a public holiday when it comes..! i should have booked my prac for tmr..! why did i not know that it's a holiday tmr?? slenge bacin ah Khairi.. tsk tsk tsk..

okay, this is just random.
injury counts from work before today: 6 cuts on my right hand, 3 cuts on my left, 1 minor swelling on my head.
injury counts from work today: 2 more cuts on my right hand, a slightly burned finger, a skinned thumb, one swelling on my left leg. (haha, that swelling is a funny story. well, it is for me. oww~~!)

now, it is a torture to get a shower. cos everywhere is painful when water gets to it. so everytime when i'm in the shower, i'll go, "aduhh, aaaah, pedih2!!(high pitched), a-hho-www.." . but the most common is, "ow ow ow saket saket saket ow ow ow". haha.

klah, i gotta get tortured now and head for my deep rest. takleh angkat whoaa.. penat siao..

replies to tags...

2009-04-02T12:22:00.000+08:00

to Naim: kay i answer all in one since u tag alot. first, i love u too. and eminem rocks? wth? random giler ah u. haha. eminem raps but rocks. tak perlu eh. haha..

to Zu: cool. i want to kay-pee-oh i think. =P soon maybe.. hehe..

to Arm: hahah.. finally.. drop by always..

to cheesetina: bagos2. slalu2 la datang ke sini. bloghopping is never complete wothout hopping to mine. lol..

my sickness in detail..

2009-04-02T12:21:00.003+08:00

training with Admirals FC last nite was.... exhausting. i was having the flu and trying to prevent the fever by getting some sweat out. i pushed myself too hard. now i'm paying the price for it.

being sick is very irritating. especially the blocked nose. i hate it i hate it i hate it. makes my nose feel handicapped. only can breathe through one nostril. the blocked one keep complaining and swearing at me. the other one who takes in all the air keeps teasing the blocked one. now the nose breathing system is corrupted and i have to deal with it.

then comes the sore throat and dry cough. the more i try to prevent myself from coughing, the more my throat begins to itch. it's playing with my feelings. and when i eventually cough, the pain is ( !!!!!!!!!!!!! ) that exact expression. i hate it i hate it i hate it. the most irritating part is, i cannot drink cold water. arrgh.. torture...

after that, the fever. this one is the finisher i tell u. makes me so weak and body aches all over. like got invisible ghosts punching at me without me realising. then inside my head like got the outgoing para para people dancing. in the end, i just lay down and do nothing cos i am so weak to do anything. i hate it i hate it i hate it.......!!!!!!!

almost finish

2009-04-02T11:52:00.004+08:00

the project is almost ending. everything is nice and fitting comfortably. left with the side skirting and the moldings. then a new car comes in. hopefully not as many adjustments needed as this one. but the satisfaction of completing this car is gonna so great.

anyway, i'm sick today so that explains why i'm blogging now. escaped from work. i need to get away from all those dust.

work is hard. hard work pays.

2009-03-27T00:19:00.004+08:00

hello.
i know i took f&n in sec sch.
but i bet u d&t guys dun get the same experience i do.
this job is dusty, smelly, and tiring as hell.
it's called, body kits for cars.

i am the personal assistant to cik kamsani.
the most skillful malay pakcik i've seen so far above my dad.
he knows exactly what to do.
like all his work is a practical lesson.
explaining to me every single thing.
not only the whats.
everything including the whys, the hows, and the whens.
every detail. he's the best at what he does.
and i'm telling you, he knows everything like the back of his hand.

pictures say it all.
but these are only a pinch of what i've been doing with dad and cik kamsani.

white thing is the mat, when hardened, it becomes fiberglass.

the hardening process.
if u see properly, you'll notice the white mat already gel coated down into shape.
by the way, the above is called flop molding.
also called clone if used towards human beings.

we're molding the skirt of a car.
it's at the side compared to a bumper which is either at the rear or front.

that is the bumper not yet sat down into place.
still have adjustments to do.
find my name on the hood of the car, with a smiley face.
hehe.

cik kamsani drawing out the adjustments to be made for alignment of the bumper into place.

dad bringing out the packaging and boxes, operating the forklift.

nice ride eh?

cik kamsani: "depan lagi san, depand lagi, ooppp, okay turunkan"
me: bz looking and taking pictures.

the one in the middle of cik kamsani and dad is the boss. the name's Elfy (not spelt correctly).
always gg, "i want this, i want that" like the job's damn easy.
only know how to talk. got the guts to tell dad "come, i teach you"
he doesn't know my dad well. tsk tsk tsk.

the front bumper. in the "dust room".

add-ons design for bumpers.
top is model 1, middle is model 2, last is model 3.
but model 3 is modified again by skillful cik kamsani.
and i *ehem* do all the finishing touches. *winks*

add-ons getting dried after spray paint.

this add-ons are applied to the left and right of the bumpers, both front and rear.
it's like an extra something that Mach Accessories produced for bumpers to make them look nicer.
cos bumpers alone are no longer in high demand. they're plain, though nice.
but with a little extra something, the demand will rise.
and that is how new ideas roll business.

cik kamsani and dad conversing bout purchase order.
what to buy and stuff.
and cik kamsani is sanding that thing "like water" (direct translation of malay).

him again. sanding the rear left of model 1.

that is what i did for the whole first day at work.
most of the time u'll find me doing this: sand. sand. sand.
i think i have the smoothest fingertips now.
hehe.

more pictures to come.
and more update bout work soon.
now tired and need to sleep.

goodnight.

into your loving arms.
into your open heart.
into your dream.
hope is a good thing when it's at the right time.

more than words

2009-03-23T23:36:00.003+08:00

if only i could tell
and it wouldn't seem wrong that i did
i would have said everything
knowing that it was the right thing to do
though there may not be any immediate change
at least i'm able to feel it in the wind
breezing past me without a care in the world
giving me a sign of freedom
blowing all the miseries out of me

if only i could say
whatever that i thought of all the time
i would have confessed
though they may not seem true
but i know they are
cos the ache of not being able to say it proves
whatever i have thought of ain't a lie
instead, a desire of wanting to express
it's burning deep inside

goodnight all.
.. i love you.

Bless The Broken Road - Rascal Flatts

2009-03-23T23:33:00.002+08:00

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

finally

2009-03-21T03:11:00.000+08:00

but it was totally not what i expected. hope everything is fine. goodnite.

hard to tell..

2009-03-21T00:26:00.003+08:00

there's a feeling in me that i'm not able to explain. it's like i wait and i wait patiently. hoping that the next time there is something new. and each time, i was left disappointed. maybe this is redemption? what goes around comes around. maybe i was the one who asked for it without knowing. sigh.

i guess i'm just missing _____..
fill in the blank.

"happiness is within one's power to give"

2009-03-20T00:14:00.005+08:00

i've always did my best to please everyone.
my dad, my mom, my brother, my younger sisters, my friends and my loved one.

i've realised, that in life, not everything goes the way you want or expect it to be.
more often than not, i have fell and skinned my knees. occasionally, people who i love very much get disappointed by my actions and words. at times, friends dislike me or find me weird for things that they saw in me that i couldn't. rarely, even people who got nothing to do with my life appear out of nowhere and judge me by what they see as revealed by my outer self.

i may have cursed you.
i may have lied to you.
i may have disappointed you.
i may have angered you.
i may have even caused you to hate me.

well that's all up to you.
i cannot change your perception of me. nor can i force you to like me.
i've always wanted the best out of everything.
i love everyone. and for some, i love exceptionally more.

goodnyte all.

oh and to that bitch.
do what makes you happy ok.
i dun give a damn.
hell yeah i dun.

i want to sleep please.

2009-03-19T04:20:00.000+08:00

it's frustrating when all you are trying to get is a good night's sleep but you can't seem to have it and you don't bloody know why. i'm tired like hell but i've been tossing and turning and ended up turning my laptop back on after 5 hours of trying to get my damn rest.

why am i even blogging this? i dun even know why i turned back this thing on. just for this? i need a life. no wait, i need to f***ing sleep! argh!! please khairi. pleease. geramnye aku. boleh nanges seh gini.. T.T

you readers must be sleeping oh so soundly at this time. well GOODnight.

worn out.

2009-03-18T19:36:00.003+08:00

tired.
fatigued.
exhausted.
weary.
drained.

i bought myself a reward.
sort of an advanced graduation gift.
it's .. *snores* zzzzzzzz........

class 2b

2009-03-17T23:14:00.004+08:00

today, i have finally enrolled for my Class 2B license. my first prac will be very soon. all from excitement to nervousness are mixing up. can't wait to finally get my hands on my own license. after another teammate of mine (Khairil, congratz bro) passed his TP test, i just can't wait any longer. Ferza also passed his class 3 TP. seems like i'm slacking behind. let's take it one step at a time though. it'll be soon before i pass my TP, InsyaAllah.

that's Nizam's bike. he gave me a pre test ride few days ago. first time i ever rode a bike for real. i know, abit behind time right. i believe i'm a fast learner. some tips and a less-than-10-minutes lesson from Nizam has made me learn how to "operate" the bike. thanks Zam and friends (Syukri and Mok) for the help. now i'm prepared to face my first ever prac. can't wait.

ASAD Singapura's first overseas performance

2009-03-17T02:34:00.005+08:00

best cuzz Naim is on the extreme left. next to him is Hakim long-legs. the tower in the center is Shukry. fierce chinese look-alike on his right is bro Aizat. extreme right with the specs is Ari.

did well guys. still room for improvement. worth all the trainings. surely Abg Ashraf would be very proud of ya'll. i think it's the best farewell gift for him as well. keep it up brothers.

ASAD Singapura
Demi Seni

sunday match update.

2009-03-16T16:48:00.006+08:00

Admirals FC 2:2 British Council Hornets FC

my head was not at all in the game. somehow my mind was constantly distracted. couldn't focus, couldn't concentrate, couldn't play. shitty crosses, stupid moves, no ideas. in short, i sucked. that was how the game went for me.

I stare up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did?
Or was I always in the way?

broke down

2009-03-13T03:57:00.003+08:00

why must happiness always be part of a guilt?

i duno what to say.
it all comes back to fate?
love is just too harsh.

dreams are meant for sleeping.
wishes are meant for fairy tales.

Admirals FC training

2009-03-13T01:12:00.005+08:00

i cannot express better how much i missed having real soccer training like the one held just now at NIE hockey pitch. the last time i remembered having that kind of training was during secondary school, which was more than two years ago.

i felt so hyper. training was so fun and real. made me recall of how coach Jang Jung trained us during the secondary school times. damn. how much i miss those days. when everyone looked forward to every training and none gave less than a 100% commitment towards improving themselves. the endless runs, the scorching heat, the pouring rain, the never give up attitude, how we all panted like dogs and how we managed to pull through each training which at times seemed like non stop torture.

however, sadly and unfortunately, the training only lasted less than half an hour i think. cos supposedly start at 7pm. due to the very bad sense of direction from our driver, we reached there at 8pm. ended at ard 8.30pm. such a waste and now i'm craving for more soccer. nonetheless, it was really worth it. i want more trainings. actually, we NEED more trainings. only way to make us a better team.

already a strong squad at the moment, i believe we can reach greater heights. the bond we created with each other lived higher every single time we play and that makes us very understanding towards each other's style. i hope we go far, team. let's win this Sunday aite.

Date: Sunday, 15th March 2009
Fixture: Admirals FC vs British Council Hornets FC
Venue: SCC Dempsey Field
Kick-Off: 3 pm

go Admirals!!!

words

2009-03-12T14:14:00.003+08:00

words.
finding the right words to relate something so deep, is not easy. i can imagine how frustrating it can be to not be able to convert your feelings into proper words.

as Confucius said: "Words are the voice of the heart."

i understand the ache of having to go through a difficult time searching for the right words to say. i rest this case.

"What is required is not a lot of words, but effectual ones."
- Seneca

Man Utd vs Inter

2009-03-12T05:36:00.003+08:00

Manchester United 2 : 0 Inter Milan

bye bye Inter.
Man Utd advance to Quarter-finals.

glory glory MAN UTD..!!

considerations...

2009-03-12T00:17:00.006+08:00

it hurts when someone finally comes to you and nag some sense into you. i dun blame it though. i really needed that. the guilt, though frustrated, made me realise how much i have not yet realised. it was my mistake; i was ignorant of it. fortunately for me, it wasn't too late. i hope i wasn't.

anyway, i'm here just lying around as quoted by Aidil in his Facebook, "doing stupid (direct translation of Malay)". while my whole day was spent lazing around, often i wonder whether whatever i'm doing right now is making me any good. it makes me feel guilty about myself that i am neither here nor there. the worst part is, i can't achieve my own targets and goals that i have set for myself before things even started. sigh. in which direction am i heading to right now? one thing for sure, i'm not even close to my destination. if i do have one that is.

anyway, talked to dad bout getting my license and he said i can take it anytime after i get my second pay. know what? that's exactly what i'm gonna do. shit, i've been waiting for almost half a year now. i can' wait any longer. you know the envy of seeing your friends already achieving what you had always wanted to achieve and then realise that you are nowhere near? that's what i felt every single time i see any of my friends riding a bike. it's also weird when i recall hanging out with them in school, study and misbehave at times, and now, i see them with their own motorcycles and having the ride of their lives. just one thing i hope and i always pray, that they all be safe on the road. including me. even if i have not own my license yet. coming soon though. wait for it aite...

apart from that, i also asked dad bout my NS. which is better, you know, the curiosity of a growing man. =P
well, at the moment, i'm just considering Police and Army. cos the chances of me going to CD are quite slim. it's just a feeling that i have, no offence though.

anyway, i think that Army will be the best. on the other hand, i think that Police is the coolest and smartest of them all. why i think Army is the best? if you have not yet known, i have the realist side of me and i do think of long term goals. in the Army, you will definitely get a skill in something. like my elder bro for example, he used to know nuts bout medication. now, he's a Combat Medic and he's got knowledge in something that he never thought he would have. another example, for me, since i'm going in with a HNITEC certification, worse comes to worst, i'll get to be a Driver. they're gonna train me till i get a Class 4 license. and i dun even have to pay for it. i got nothing to lose, do i?

so the pay sucks. that's the main issue here. however, it gives more adventure and outcomes than the Police and CD, that gives almost twice more pay than the Army. look at it this way, if i get into the Army and i get a skill in something that i am very good at, i can leave with a spare tyre if i dun decide to sign on or be a regular.

Police will give you the necessary training in fighting crimes and law and things like that. but when you decide not to sign on, you have just wasted two years of your life of 'serving the nation'. you may not get any secondary skill that may help you later in life. such as Technician? you can get a job with that skill. even open your own business. but Police gives the highest pay among them all according to my understanding. that is a BONUS if you get selected to be a regular in the force. that is the main advantage it has over the Army. cos CD also gives high salary. and CD is also tough. but like the Police, they are mainly trained towards one focus and that's all.

we all have diffenent opinions. after much consideration, i'll be glad to go into the Army. but i'll try volunteering for Police anyway. cos right now the most important thing is the $$ right. so government, which one will you put me into? the money in the bag, or the adventure of a lifetime?

the night i remembered.....

2009-03-09T23:55:00.002+08:00

along in coldness and moisted surface
i climbed upon a height of memories
wind whispering of words i recalled
with a tune, a warm sung soothing melody

as morn befall unto me past night
silence enclosed in foreign space
the significant one appeared in framed images
reminiscing the love of which once before, i did taste

Cupid denied that arrow once shot
across my heart, i stabbed once again
know dear, that i can't easily forget
let alone to leaving those memories slain

to ignite the fire of blazing affection
i have to battle this rage - an internal struggle
losing to forceful reasons i wish doth not exist
activating the tears; my heart, emotional

let it be known that my absence is real
sharpening the love we both very much long for
because darling, the presence of an significant other
strengthens it's might and is worth much more

most sincerely,
..`[Khai]ri..

today, it ends. today, it begins.

2009-03-07T02:40:00.001+08:00

before i begin, i must inform you guys that this entry is going to be a very long and wordy one. i'm gonna be talking bout some major issues and updates that happened recently. if you're interested, feel free to read till the end. let's get serious.

i'm going to start with a very positive opening.

as of today, March the 7th of 2009, i have leaped over a major milestone in my academic progress. today marks the end of my Industrial Attachment (IA) at Creative Technology, also hand in hand, the end of my ITE life. 2 years have crawled by instead of fly and unknowingly put me beyond the status of 'student'. i felt a thick stream of blood race through my veins up to my brains as soon as the clock ticks into the minute that a new end has begun.

how's my grades for IA? 38 out of 60. calculate it into percentage of a 100 and i get 63. only. i'm not complaining cos i know i don't have any plans to further my studies just yet. the next phase will be my National Service, i'll be eagerly waiting for the letter of announcement to arrive. i will definitely consider continuing my studies after NS. cos in Singapore, academic qualifications come first. that is very bad news for me. moving on.

being me; being Khairi, i like to put myself back in my own shoes rewinding to the time when i first began to enter a new phase, which in this case was the first day of school in ITE. i still remember how i was back then. at first quietly attempting to adapt into a new environment, then analysing people from different departments, then finally start to open my shell and mingle around.

the first people i talked to were Firdaus (Fix) and Ashraf (Chap). i still recall how they thought i was scary cos i already knew their names before they even introduced themselves. both of them did not complete Higher NITEC certification. Chap went for numerous interviews at La Salle and finally got accepted so he transferred. then Fix retook this 'O' levels and got himself into NYP. never seen them since.

the life in ITE has been mostly regrets and internal sufferings, though i can't deny the good times that lasted quite long. dun ask me what my regrets are. let me handle that by myself. men grow wiser with experience. therefore i dare say i have learned more things to life than just computer essentials and networking. not forgetting the people whom i really appreciate for accompanying me and being my friends. a big shout out to you all, THANK YOU.

IA on the other hand has been a pain in the ass. literally. the only part i loved most was getting my first ever self-earned pay. other than that, i thought it really sucked for me. judge me all you want, but i felt that i deserved better than what i got at the end of the day.

on a brighter note, i appreciate the learning experience of getting into the real world of working a JOB (just over broke). admitting to my own flaws and mistakes, i have learned to be independent and not rely on unhelpful seniors that do not give a damn bout the newbies. however, there is this one guy named Vick who i truly respect and give my honor to for being able to work with him. the only senior who actually guided willingly with much care. guess what, he isn't local. how's that for a shameful group of selfish local S.O.Bs.

in conclusion, ITE made me a better person in terms of my own disciplinary issues and opened my eyes to alot of unnecessary miseries that made me wiser as an individual.
i'm leaping over, tonight....

===================================================================

now that a new beginning awaits, i am still wandering in a lost island searching for sources to get myself out. the only thing clear for me now is that i am going to enrol for my bike license. the most important thing that i have yet to complete. i hope it's very soon, just waiting for the green light from Dad.

===================================================================

some thoughts mislead. other thoughts encourage.
to say something with much conviction can make a person realize how wrong a thought might be. words can only portray so much, yet the feelings involved can go astray in an instant. it hurts deep inside knowing that you are helpless, just drowning, just fading in the distance. on the other hand, you know that your will and courage to fight is burning with desire and self-submission. you want to give in and commit, but at the same time, you just can't. i'm trying hard to fight a raging battle of emotions running wild in my chest.

===================================================================

in my heart, i carved a name.
made you mine, love and pain.
loneliness, before you came.
ever since, it wasn't the same.
i loved you, romance tamed.
tough times peeped, almost insane.
only choice, can't refrain.
but in my heart, still lies your name.

===================================================================

looking away, deep in thoughts. trying hard to understand what i put myself into. at the moment, i feel like a subject of an abuse caused by unforeseen circumstances. to face an army of an attacking threat, one must be very prepared. not only physically, but mentally. i'm not prepared to face the truth. i'm not ready to face the outcome. if only i can decipher thoughts of others, i'll be able resolve this unwanted conflict. however, much to my disapointment, i'm not able to. i know that actions have consequences. i'm aware that mistakes are part and parcel of life. i just need to figure out how to face it and settle it smoothly. i'm scared. i really am......

===================================================================

gdnyte readers.

endless thoughts..

2009-03-05T01:10:00.000+08:00

"Never have false hope for granted wishes, but always have true faith in answered prayers."

- Source Unknown

it's a race towards freedom

2009-03-05T01:01:00.004+08:00

back again readers.

well, final days at work. i can't be more excited. the anxiety of waiting gives better outcomes. i'm waiting patiently. seems like the closer it gets towards the finish line, the slower the time passes. must it always be like this? i wonder..

anyway, yesterday i did 38 mails. today was 33, i think..(?) filled in the OT form for the month of February. while others get a $150 OT pay, i only got $90. at that moment i felt the slight regret for not coming to work, but like i said, guilty pleasure. oh well. guess i have to make do with what i put myself into.

next major problem. log book. i think i have the cleanest log book among my colleagues, in fact, my whole class. eversince work started, i have not even looked at that log book, let alone touch it. gonna have to submit it by Friday. got 63 boxes (days) to fill in, 2 days to crack brain and input. wish me luck yea.

after work today, i dunno what came into me. i was walking home. just as i was about to reach my block, my mind suddenly sent signals to my legs to make a detour. next thing i knew i was heading towards the bus stop to go to Causeway Point. this is what happens when i lack hyperness.

i was like the lone ranger roaming the aisles of Causeway Point with no exact purpose. i look at people and people look at me. then i went up to the highest level, the cinema floor, and scanned through the Now Showing list. my hand decided to reach for my hp and call bro Aliff. luckily for me, he's free. yeay! lol.. shuddup.

so it was a very last minute plan. watched Kung Fu Chefs at the 9.10pm slot. it was not bad. fighting scenes here and there, some funny parts, and at some moments, i shit you not, i recalled those days during F&N classes. for example, let the air enter the eggs, then got bubbles, which i forgot what the purpose is for. "same theory for sponge cake." that's the line that i remembered.

oh, and not to forget. watched Role Models with PICs (partners-in-crime) Ferza and Alfian couple of days ago. lol.. now that show was funny. also a last minute plan. so last minute that Ferza had to rush after work to Cineleisure and meet us there. but it was worth it i guess. it wasn't that good in the beginning, but as the story builds up, shit started rolling and that was when the laughter kicks in. you have to understand the humor behind it though.

alritey then.. look at the time. whoa. shit. gonna be so sleepy at work tomorrow for sure. gotta hit the bed now. well actually i'm already on my bed. it's a figure of speech, if you get what i mean. i'm blabbering already. let me rephrase it. time for me to shut up and sleep.

7 down, 2 more days to go.. arrrriiibbbaaaaa....

Khairi to readers: " Roger and out. "

oh, it's monday!

2009-03-02T14:02:00.004+08:00

hey all.
look at the day and the time. weird huh. how come i'm blogging when i should be answering mails? answer's simple. you should know. (:

okay, updates for saturday and sunday.

saturday was work day, i did 32 mails only i think. can't remember. wasn't in the mood at all to work on that day. i kept looking at the time to see whether work is ending soon. i was too excited for the night event later on. as you know, it's the 28th Feb. playden @ arts house, Evola in action.

i'll try to get some pics and update them here. if only i get the pics. ferza, send me the pics ok? lol. anyway, i enjoyed it. with exception of some bands which are utterly shitty, i guess those who participated were quite good. nobody's perfect right? so too for bands.

Evola did GREAT i should say. one of the best performances so far in my opinion. my favourite song? oh, it's moday! so fitting for the title of this update. jyeah! rock on, Evola!

aite, so tt's saturday. well for sunday, soccer. (i'm supposed to be working, but anyway...)

Admirals FC vs Raptors FC @ Bedok Green Secondary School, 11am kickoff.
game ended in a tie: 4-4. i din play that well, mistakes here an there. lots of wrong positioning. zzzzz..
i promise to be better next game ok. peace. we're now in 4th placing with 7 points. the ball is round, anything can happen in soccer. it's just the beginning guys. we're gonna pull through in the end. Go Admirals!

after the game, went to eat at Adam Rd Food Center. ever heard of Royal Rumble Nasi Lemak. if you haven't, then good. cos i only knew yesterday also. khkhkh.
anyway, it rained parents of kittens and puppies. -.- i know, tak perlu..
after eating, sent mates home and then proceeded to bro ferza's crib to watch REC (short form for record). it's hard to explain the story here. wait, i go find......

alritey, found....

Tagline:
"One Witness. One Camera."

Plot:
An ambitious telelvision reporter and her cameraman get more than they bargained for when they follow the night shift of a small-town fire department to rescue an elderly woman from her burning home. When they arrive the horrific screams they hear signal the arrival of something far darker than a housefire.

Rating:
8.5/10
(realistic horror and spine-chilling suspense. i promise you won't regret.
just a note, beginning is a little draggy, just bear with it.)

Thanks Alfian for introducing this movie. haha. just for the record, i jumped out of my seat couple of times. watch at your own risk. hehe..

well, guess that's it. as i said, will try to get some photos to upload. till next time faithful readers. chow!

only we understand...

2009-03-01T23:47:00.000+08:00

Where's the world that doesn't care?
Maybe I could meet you there.........

crossroads: a decision made

2009-03-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

2what's happening to me?
it's a guilty pleasure, something i'm not strong enough to make it guiltless.
i never wanted to regret what i did, however strongly it struck me that i made the wrong decision.
feeling forced to do something you hate compared to a slight excitement of doing something you love. most definitely anyone would have chosen the latter.

now i'm restless. just thinking of possible outcomes to this.
being optimistic is good, preparing for the worse is wise. every action has it's consequences.
and this i have to face under any circumstances possible.
hopefully it'll turn out fine. keeping my fingers crossed.

random freestyling @ most memorable place in sbw..

2009-02-28T00:10:00.005+08:00

i miss playing soccer at this place.
when there were so many people coming down to play.
we were strong as a whole.
our home, our training ground, our pride.
i miss the hall 2 gang.
i miss the spirit.
i miss the times when we were young and we played like adults.
we ruled the place.
we conquered the whole stretch.
we owned the place we called...

..Hall 2..

we were the legends.
we were the forefathers.
a continued generation? sadly there's none.

office business..

2009-02-27T23:49:00.004+08:00

woots.. back!!

alrite here we go.
as always, work update first. 36 mails today. improve by 1 ehy? kekeke.. went to pantry today to sleep awhile. slack. no Ray, no Fish, no Ninja Turtle. btw, i haven't introduced this ninja turtle yet.

he's the QC (Quality Control).. he's the one who checks our mails and grade us. we call him ninja turtle cos basically, his name is Rafael. get it? since he's in the same 'cubicle' as us, with Fish and Ray too, we need to give them code names so they dunno we're talking bout them. lol.

Fish is the boss, as u noe.. cos his name Hoi. like ikan koi. so yea. we call ray, 'mysterio'. he's also called gondol, toyol and such cos he's like botak. then his face really like the gondol type and he's effing noisy when with the Lucky Plaza - which simpy means the Filipino gang. why lucky plaza? cos that's where most filipinos are found in Singapore. haha. peace.

so now i'm gona call them by their nicknames. if you dunno who's who, simply refer to this post aite. oh forgot one more. the other TL for my department but he sits in the other cubicle on our left. name's jeen. we call him, 'Aprid'. cos if you combine it, sounds like this... jin aprid. ring any bells? go watch Bujang Lapok if you dunno. got his nick cos he made a fuss bout me gg for friday prayers. RAWR!!

tt's bout it. i guess it's long enuff to sum up this update. haha.

3 down, 6 days to go.. getting closer to the finish!

2009-02-26T23:54:00.003+08:00

work update. today did 35 mails. told ya it was hard to reach even 40. anyway, got one mail that cheered me up. saying my name specifically in that reply. how i wish everybody was as understanding and motivating as he is.

slept damn early yesterday. i did not doze off at work even once. how improving was that, huh? hehe.. should sleep early more often. not like now. see, what time already, and i'm not yet asleep. blogging somemore. this only means one thing, it's gonna be a very long day tomorrow. haizz...

so 2 down, 7 days to go.. bring it on..

i hope you're reading this before you leave.
be safe, take good care and keep smiling.
a silent prayer for you.
and hey, have a blast ok.. (",)
xoxoxo

somewhere over the rainbow...

2009-02-25T21:01:00.003+08:00

while i was walking on my way home
my thoughts were filled with the beauty of you
and how more coincidental could it be
at that moment my phone vibrated with your name on the screen

just after i read that message and i looked up
what appeared before my eyes was another beauty but real
it's been ages since i saw one like this
then another thought arrowed into my mind

scroll down....

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams
That you've dreamed of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dreams
That you've dreamed of
Dreams really do come true

Someday
I'll wish upon a star
And wake up
Where the clouds are far
Behind me
Where troubles melts
Like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dreams
That you dare to
Oh why, oh why can't I?

Well, I see
Trees of green
And red roses too
I'll watch them bloom
For me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Well I see
Skies of blues
And clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow
So pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces
Of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying how do you do
They're really saying I
I love you

I hear babies cry
I watch them grow
They'll learn much more
Than really know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Someday
I'll wish upon a star
And wake up
Where the clouds are far
Behind me
Where troubles melt
Like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
And the dreams
That you dare to
Oh, why, oh why can't I?

dreams come true ya'll
u just have to believe in it
if your dream is not coming true
then make that dream real

8 days left.. gotta strive Khairi..

2009-02-25T20:28:00.003+08:00

today is the start of the 9 days straight non-stop work schedule.
i'm afraid i won't be able to come for soccer this sunday due to unavoidable circumstances. it's my fault that i did not go to work last saturday to earn myself a special 'overtime' duty this sunday. lesson learnt too late, can't turn back now.

anyway, since after they opened the sound cards, webcams and speakers queues, today's my first time i reached 40 mails. only 40 mails. it's either i'm slacking more or the mails are too tough to handle. most of the time i had to route to Insource_Escalations, which means i'm not in that level to answer the mail. either had to be attended by a senior advisor or a second level Technical Support advisor.

work oh work. why are you making my life so miserable. it's not that i'm complaining because i have to work. i'm lamenting cos the work's lame. if they give me something to repair or let me do retail and make me go out of the office to talk to real buyers, it would be much much better. at least it won't be so boring like what i've experienced for the last 1 and a half months. sigh.

1 down, 8 days to go.. countdown with me ok..

yesterday was nice. it was a long time since we got to sit down like that.
too bad a stalker decided to appear.
din expect him to be so desperate.
so anyway, next stop... you know i know.
and the cruise idea. i was actually excited like crazy. just did not want to show it. (:

also went for my first ever my-own-money-shopping yesterday.
bought two tops from TopMan and a very expensive shoe. just for the record, it costs $109..
hey you, no comments la eh. i know the jealousy exists somewhere in there. hehe.. =P
overall, very satisfied with my new belongings. i'm proud to say that they're MINE. like finally.

now, let's get enuff sleep today okay Khairi. seems like u've been catching silent naps at work almost everyday. this has got to stop.
if you readers care to motivate me, please drop a motivational comment at my tagboard to help me push on for the last eight days ok.
i will really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

still do..

2009-02-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

those three words were said too much.
but this time they brought tears to your eyes.
my wish fulfilled on a dark cold night.
promises made between us two sufficed.

another day of fun filled laughter.
also found ourselves a new place.
a secret between us, only we share.
a love still strong; strengthened with faith.

wishing you well, dear.
don't be naughty, make sure you behave.
be happy and keep smiling.
but always stay safe.

23rd of every month

2009-02-23T23:41:00.002+08:00

wisdom, courage.

to corrode one's heart and don't feel guilty bout it is undeniably selfish.

have i corroded yours?

why can't we be free to love and be with each other?

be thankful of what you have..

2009-02-21T14:20:00.001+08:00

last night i had to help dad with a very important financial documentation online. looking at his expression when he sees the text in capital and bold, "YOU ARE NOW IN THE RED ZONE", it nearly caused me to tear. so i promised to help him with, hoping he won't be as stressed. i just didn't have the heart to see him in that situation - just lost, staring at the screen like a frozen man, often letting out heavy sighs.

i can't deny that if i was in the same position as him, i'd be as stressed and absolutely disappointed too. however i thank God that He has given my family wisdom and courage to face and live a life of poverty in which i believe is a blessing in disguise. i hope that one day we'll be able to get out of this. i believe.

anyway, today is saturday. i'm supposed to be working la dey. the alarm didn't die on me though so i'm not gonna blame it. instead i died on the alarm. sheesh. probably cos last night i slept at around 4 or 5. no regrets though. just a little bit scared? what am i gonna answer to the FISH if he asks? argh, heck. i dun give a damn. in fact, i dun wanna give a damn. that one later can think.

2 more weeks left at attachment. how i wish it's gonna breeze away. unfortunately that wish is never coming true. shit. i feel so miserable just thinking bout it. never mind. 14 more toturous days and it'll be all over. sustain and endure, i can do it! go khairi!

btw, yesterday Soong called me to pass him the Debarment Appeal Form which i thought he's forgotten all about it. and he said the dateline's yesterday before 5. i had no choice but to drag my lazy ass with that form to school. but i thank him la. if he was a class advisor who doesn't give a damn, he'll just let it be and make me stay for another semester when everyone has graduated. so, appreciate the concern.

alrite, tomorrow soccer match at Dunearn Secondary at 11am.
Admirals FC vs Official10 FC.
may the best team win. GO ADMIRALS!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-17T23:29:00.000+08:00

"i was called upon. i tried to fight back the summoning. but the rest at my back kept pushing me out. forcefully i endured to avoid from showing myself. but it's a natural reaction, he just can't help it. and as i almost reached the end, reluctantly i crept out and unveiled my identity.." - a silent tear

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

injected by the sight, i bled a little.
a sudden adrenaline rush, countless memories circled round the circumference of my mind.
as montages appeared revealing the past, the negligence of yearnings within my heart disclosed.
drowsiness engulfed, i slumbered.

awoken by a tune. it played so melodically. it was Leeloo's. i realized where it was taking me. i followed.
the mind cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is clearly imagined.
reaching upon a place where no worries existed. i shut my eyes, picturing us in my mind.

"as long as you are happy." i whispered into your ear. indeed, my only intention was to reunite shed blood. which is definitely thicker than water. no matter how pure or clean it is.
i am your water, a necessity. without blood, you'll die faster. but i still......

"nobody cares."
reminded me of my absence when there was where i should have been.
since then, silent tear took over.

tongue tied

2009-02-17T01:14:00.002+08:00

it's not hard to imagine. just close your eyes and see.
in that mind you can picture. a truth so intended to be.
don't think of heartbreaks, it's not wise to thee.
wipe those tears away, rest your body and let it free.

i need a little more luck than a little bit
cos every time i get stuck the words won't fit
and every time that i try i get tongue tied
i'll need a little good luck to get me by

sexayy....

2009-02-17T01:00:00.005+08:00

ladies and gentlemen..

please be mesmerized..

for there is none as awe as this..

presenting to you.........
(click here)

**NOTE!**
explicit content. make sure you are the age of 18 or more to view the above given link.
i do not hold any responsibilities of any kind. enter at YOUR OWN RISK.

feeling right doing a wrong thing..yea..

2009-02-17T00:08:00.005+08:00

most of you readers would have known me since secondary school days. with that, you should have noticed my attitude towards dragging myself to that once i thought dreaded place. in short, i skipped school a lot. usually to escape from homework, i know tt's the most stupid reason anybody can give. other times, i'm just plain lazy and i slept at home for the rest of the hours which i should have spent sitting my ass in classrooms.

whenever i recalled and reflected at those schooling days, sometimes i can just literally laugh at myself for being so ignorant and actually to best describe it, pure #$%ing lazy.. cos i only sleep most of the time and when i wake up i dun even feel fresh. my hours passed just lyk tt without me doing anything to enjoy it fully. and mind you, mere sleeping is not enjoyable one bit.

to make an exception though, i have never ever enjoyed skipping school this much. oops, i'm sorry. i skipped WORK! yea i said it. u can judge me however u want, i won't be mad at ya.

it's not easy planning to skip work actually. need to make sure somebody tells the 'higher authority' bout it. den the next step, medical certificate. my MC costed $9.80, if you get what i mean. the best part was, i din lie to the doctor to get it. i just found an advantage i had which allowed me to manouver my way through the getting-an-MC process with much ease. *winks*

anyway, thanks to bro who stayed with me until everything was settled. also for the powerful to the max dinner, and the playlist update. kwang3. also a big thanks to another bro who was willing to spare me clothes and a little $$. it was all worth it. i never regretted one second of skipping work on 16/02/2009. we are da bomb. ehem.. i am da bomb. woohoo~

Happy Bdae Papa, Take Care Bro

2009-02-13T03:26:00.001+08:00

13th Feb, dad's b'dae. well, bro treated us to dinner at Mak's Place at Kembangan. the food was exceptionally great. it's a bold statement but Mak's Place is better than Hjh Maimunah, that of course in my opinion only.

After the makan, brought out the dessert. dad act as though he din see me carrying the cake when he fetched me at Jurong East MRT earlier. -.-"

as usual the "happy birthday" song followed by the "how old are you" song. he answered, "22.. tolak public holidays..".. well just to make it clear he's 46 this year. actually, if you look at his face below and tell me he that he looks around 50, i won't be surprised.

anyway, here are the pics.

Chocolate Moose (i think)

excluding me

bdae uncle

mom

bro

yours truly

keena (face covered thanks to bella's wonderful photo taking skills)

bella

after that, we sent bro to Changi Airport. he's flying to Brunei for 2 weeks (NS). why is it that when he's in camp for 3 months, i dun feel that mushy2 as compared to him leaving overseas for just 2 weeks? well, we all went through it before i guess. seeing him leave, i thought to myself when will it be my turn. NS takes up a lot of my thoughts these few months. am i ready?

before leaving
final pose

i still look the same.
and i still sound the same.
you'll know very soon. (:

blasting amplifiers

2009-02-10T23:16:00.003+08:00

another jamming session today.

after so long.

28th Feb: Playden @ Arts House.

Evola will be performing.

i need the ticket.

i am venting my anger

2009-02-09T20:28:00.005+08:00

let's get serious..

please allow me to get out of my comfort zone for just a little while okay? dun get shocked. just bear with me. i know it's gonna be nasty, but please just hang on okay? thank you so much.

Dearest Blog & Readers,

i wanna complain. the story goes like this. we started work on the 5th of January. now is already the 9th. guess what? that stupid Creative company just only processed/submitted our OT forms(for our pay) today towards the end of office hours. to-fcuking-day! which means we are gonna get our pay earliest by the end of the week, IF NOT NEXT WEEK. so here i am going, wtf?

the rest of my classmates undergoing Industrial Attachment from other companies have already gotten their pay. all of them! 2 fcuking weeks ago!! and they don't even do the same shit that we do. they are not even 'working' in the first place, only a few. unlike us, who sit our butts on that arm chair in front of the computer replying mails day in day out. and as if it's not enuff, we got a shitty project to think about. so here i am going, wtf?

why am i overreacting? see, 13th Feb is my dad's bdae. i had a plan in mind - since it was my first real working experience - to bring the whole family to dine out. my bro's going to brunei in a couple of days, and i thought of giving him some cash to buy me some things from there, even if the currency rate's the same as here. who knows he might just close a few good deals?

and that's not all. 14th Feb. now this part i wanna cry already. dun worry baby, it's still gonna be on. confirm 100% on. you can ignore this ok? but this stoopid Creative just have to ruin my mood for the rest of the week.

reason? i'm having off on friday. even if i get the cheque then, i'm gonna have to rush to bank in that cheque before 3pm. cos if it's any time later, i gotta wait another 3 fcuking days to get that hard-earned money in my account. so here i am going, wtf?

i dun care. by hook or by crook, if that Fish is gonna distribute the pay on friday, i'm gonna drag my fat ass down to that Creative building just to collect it. and better be sure it's before 2 pm. if they delay the pay until next week, i swear i'm gonna boycott that company from everybody i know.

and the next person who asks me where i work, then i say Creative, and they go 'baek uh dapat free mp3 pe kasi aku uh', i'm gonna turn into Incredible Khairi. this salary issue just got me so shocked and changed my whole idea of the reputation of the company. still here i am going, wtf?

a riddle

2009-02-09T20:20:00.004+08:00

what do you get when you come across a speeding vehicle and a slow frog?

think.

think twice..

think harder...

did you get the answer? click here.

as it shines..

2009-02-08T18:55:00.003+08:00

i was really too tired last night that when i reached home around 10pm. here's what i did: went into my room, put down my things, back into the room, and i slept like a rock.

woke up at around 4.30am.. i saw the most beautiful sight from out of my window. it was shining unto me, so brightly. as if it was happy and calm and just bursting with joy. suddenly the sleepiness in my being was breathed away. i felt the urge to get closer. i got up from my bed and leaned towards the window. how beautiful the moon was from where is stood, the most beautiful i have ever seen it shown itself before. i stared, feeling so peaceful, as it goes down following the rhythm of the clock ticking away, ever so very slowly.

in my mind was all you, baby. smiling unto me, i'd rather see. this post is for you. hugs and kisses. ((:

another disaster?

2009-02-07T02:08:00.004+08:00

i suspect today (i mean later) is going to be a very busy day. i hate it when he says, 'besok bangun pagi, nak kemas rumah'. tt's gonna take the whole day. i'm not in the mood to do any house-cleaning, please. haiz..

and i missed that song. missed it so much that i just had to listen to it to the finish. even if it's just instrumental. somehow it sounded much better than the original.. (:

i'm not gonna say much right now. gotta sleep. i want my pay.

tempted eyes wish they were resting

2009-02-06T02:36:00.003+08:00

this is an update in the wee hours of the morning. can't go to sleep yet. not because i dun want to, but cause i haf some things to settle. currently i'm at bishan with hafizz and ayid. with only one primary reason and objective - we got a project to settle.

while the rest left about 4 1/2 hours ago, i stayed behind with hafizz to try and do as much as we can on this - in my opinion - irritatingly unnecessary dumbshit project. so high expectations from the manager. talk as if the thing is so damn easy to do. we dun even get a proper project documentation with requirements of the program for reference. he expects us to put everything into paper with 5 mins of his explanation.

tt's why we called up our life-saver, Mr.Zaid a.k.a Ayid, to assist us with the walkthrough of this project, which with much thankfulness, he gladly agreed to. currently he's doing some research on the SQL and trying to find out some codings that have already been done by other people. according to the master, this project is very SQL-heavy, and that is not by any chance, the news that we were hoping for.

just imagine, to troubleshoot the managing of the site takes up already almost 1 hour. with some connection problems in the beginning of the meeting. at least the rest had some understanding of the overview before they had to leave, thanks to the much needed explanation by ayid. recorded down couple of important notes, completed the interface of two simple pages, and did the database which was required. now, we're waiting for the verdict by ayid. in the meantime, i'm blogging.

it's cold down here.
and the song that's playing right now: Kau Ilhamku by Man Bai.
14th February. valentine's? no..
there's something much much much more sentimental than that.

gdmorning readers..

a long talk

2009-02-05T01:23:00.001+08:00

tonight, after so long, my eyes were open to life. my mind was struck by reality. my being was silenced by the past. and my heart was humbled by the future.

little did i know what was going on in my life of poverty and struggles. i was awaken by the fact that i need to implement serious immediate change into my own life. the self-discipline in which i need to realize for my own good.

what are my decisions in life?
where do i see myself in 5 years?
what am i gonna do after graduation?
why can't i be strong enough to face my own fears?
how do i change things around?
what can i contribute to my own life and family?

apart from those, many more questions are rotating inside my mind. which one should i attend to first i know not. however, the strong desire to affect change inside this being is burning. the drive to prove of my worth as a son, as a brother, as my own mentor and as myself is rushing so fast. so fast that i'm afraid of failure. believe it or not, i'm not ready. at all. but a decision has to be made.

i cried. honestly i did. recalling the difficult times he had to go through, his expressions when he was down in his own advice, and his ultra strong determination for a better life. after 6 years of struggling and persevering, yet now, he has failed.

to me he said those words. 'i failed'. and he cried as well thinking bout how he lost and fell along the way. just because of overlooking some matters which caused a brutal blow in finance. however though, after this failure, he still have not lost hopes nor did he show any signs of giving up. but indeed by his instincts he knows that only through his sons are his lifelines of success. the conviction and his words of wisdom, made me tear silently.

even in his advice were some sarcastic comments. the indirect exclamations and judgments towards me were quite obvious. at that moment i knew i had already failed. because i know i'm living a secret that i'm not proud of one single bit. today i realized how strong that hatred in me was towards the forces of evil. i broke down, again.

that aside, i need to start planning now. beginning with the most fundamental basic in life - the home. it's about time i have some sense of urgency and cleanliness about my own room. i've been neglecting chores and packing of things since the day i start work. now almost everything is in a mess.

moving on then, to a more serious issue. financial planning. it's not easy having to control your own money when before this your money is controlled by your parents. i have fears of using my paycheck on unnecessary things. i need to learn how to roll $10 to $20, then to $40, then to $80, then it goes on. just like business. entrepenuership is one way of gaining financial freedom, if most succesful. in the event that you fall, you still have the time and cash on your side. no office hours to stick by to or a fixed income to enjoy with.

business is good. all u need are unsupportive persons to bring u down with negative comments. but that didn't stop my dad from persevering. i guess i'm gonna be like him too eventually. cos my interest in money has never faded. and i wanna learn how to make money without having a fixed job. cos money is king in the context of Singapore's living standards.

food is quite necessary. true in many ways. however, i realized that most of my spendings are wasted on unnecessary junk foods, which eventaully turns into shit. therefore, i will definitely need to cut down on that.
*dun get me wrong baby, we'll still have that promise fulfilled.*

i'm gonna be a husband some day. when i say this, i'm sure there are people who will counter with a curious look and the why think so far words pasted across their foreheads. planning for a future is definitely a crucial phase in life that no boy/guy/man should ever neglect. being 19 years old this year will bring me one year closer to marriage, though i'm not sure when it's gonna be. if i dun invest and plan for my future starting from now, how will i manage the costs for marriage and the related issues (e.g. honeymoon, a house, furnitures). i dun wanna be gg around debting my waistline away from other people for my own day of bliss and happiness.

i have to think maturely now. thanks dad for the advices. thank you for opening up my mind now and not let me regret later. and thanks mom for supporting me in whatever i have been doing and for whatever i'll be planning.

bear this in mind my beloved readers, think now and act fast. dun wait till it's too late.

failing to plan is planning to fail.
it's my time to act. i'm gonna try. beginning now.

i'm giving up already

2009-02-03T23:31:00.003+08:00

research sucks.

asp.NET. MySQL. what in the blue hell am i looking for? aargh!!

this is so irritating.

2009-02-02T20:13:00.003+08:00

i'm trying hard not to feel. but ugh. shit.

here i am trying not to think bout it but when something comes up i cannot accept. i should be more disciplined and not let all these things cock up my mind. argh heck. shake it off 'tough guy'.

i admire many soccer players. i won't mention it namely cos it's gonna be a very long list. among these players there is this one defender who, for me, is very talented and has something cool bout him. his long hair makes him one of those typical Spaniard-looking soccer players. he plays well, he's in one of the biggest clubs in the world, and he's also playing for his nation. but there's just something bout him that makes me feel uneasy. whenever he comes to mind, i feel restless and awkward. wanna noe who? go figure.. haha.. this is just a random thing going on here.

so, moving on..

i forgot to say hi to this flu that has been tagging along with me wherever i go. it seems that no matter how hard i try to get rid of him, he keeps coming back stronger. i think i've been mean to him, which explains why it is harder for me to breathe whenever i try to get him away. should i be nice? i tried. i said hi didn't i? nothing changed. asshole flu get the hell away from me. i think i'm gonna find new friends for you. mayb my sisters at home. go to them you irritating stalker.

and you know what? this morning, this dear flu decided to bring along his friend with him, named fever. he also stayed with me for awhile until after lunch at work, then he decided it was time to go. hey flu! next time dun bring him again can anot? irritating. and go away laaaa...

well now, the azan sedang berkumandang. so off i go. take care all. (:

match update: Admirals Fc VS Helo FC

2009-02-01T23:31:00.004+08:00

hey ho the merry oh.. hello hello hello!!

what's up ya'll, and dun tell me it's the ceiling or the stars or whatever not. anyway, had a game today at St. Wilfred field against Helo Football Club (which explains the start as my post). we won 3 to nothing. how good was that. we played like champions i should say. maybe it's not that we were very good, the opponents made us look good. *evil laughter*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

here's the match report by Helo Football Club (i'm bolding the highlights):

HELO FC went into the second game of their
third season hoping to get back to winning
ways. With many players missing due to
injury or work commitment, HELO FC was
again forced to chop and change their line
up.

However, in the first 10 minutes or so, HELO
FC were playing well considering that few
players were playing in different positions.
Just when HELO FC were starting to settle in, 
ADMIRALZ FC struck with a sweetly taken 
shot to take a 1-0 lead.

The first half was dominated by the 
ADMIRALZ FC very youthful midfield and 
defense. An own goal and a late goal in the
first half, saw HELO FC trailing their young
opponents by the scoreline of 3-0.

The second half was much better for HELO
FC as they showed some urgency in getting
back into the game with Magen, Raj and
Jeremiah leading countless attacks. The
defence, which was brilliantly marshalled by
MOTM R.Mani and Joe, limited ADMIRALZ FC
to long range efforts.

HELO FC captain, Vijai, should have got a
consolation goal in the dying minutes of the
game but scuffed his shot which was easily 
smothered by ADMIRALZ FC custodian. 
ADMIRALZ FC also were a very fair team 
and played with mature minds on youthful 
shoulders.

HELO FC played a much better second half
and should build on this for our future
games. Staying positive, even MAN UTD
have slow starts to their season but
perservere to be at the top at the end of the
season. HELO FC will be there at the end of
the season.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i had my own chances but din get to score. got subbed 5 mins into the second half and din get to play back since. *shit* haha.. nvm la, at least we won.. go ADMIRALS!!

ESPZEN website: http://espzen.com/home.asp

if only my weekends were work-free

2009-01-31T02:33:00.000+08:00

it's 2.33am..
tt's how pathetic i should begin this post with.. (o.O)"

currently i'm at ferza's crib. followed him cut his hair just now, which explains his facebook status - "Ferza's hair is OMG!".
i'm gonna say something here and i know whoever this is concerned with will definitely leave a tag at my blog. this guy apparently is now able to go sleepovers as well. now tt's an achievement, i think. lol.. well, actually not quite an accomplishment la but to put it in one word, i should say, "finally!".. peace man..

basically i've swapped my weekends with julia so i'm gonna work later. which means tomorrow, Admirals Fc!! just now had a 30 mins soccer session at sembawang. after so long of not touching the ball, it was quite satisfying. at least i got to "run" alot. like what i wanted as mentioned in the previous post. but i still feel fat because just a while ago i ate an order that sounds like this, "one mega prosperity burger meal, upsize, change the fries to twister fries, and the drink give me ice lemon tea." (:

i dun think i'm gonna sleep cos i'm afraid i'm not gonna wake up for work later. it's tough already waking up by myself when i'm at home, let alone at ferza's house. with the air-conditioning inviting me to sleep, the comforter so tempting, the 'tilam' so 'lembut'. then wake up to two snoring muke basi guys who are still sleeping soundly, wah, like demoralising to go to work. zzzzz..

okay, da cukop.
oh, one more thing.. pay oh pay.. please come fast.. (:
gdnyte readers..

open conversation

2009-01-28T21:24:00.003+08:00

feelings aside. time for something more interesting.

i was quite frustrated at myself today cos i was corrected by Ray 3 times, all for different reasons. it's not that i was frustrated with him, i was mad at myself for not clarifying my doubts before answering a mail. but the only reason i did not was because i had faith with my reply. before i even ask anybody, i will look for the answer myself. if i really cannot find it, then i ask someone. ah, shit with that. i'm still learning ain't i?

okay, so what's up? project confirmed i guess. i dun even know what it is that we are supposed to do. actually, i preferred not having any projects to complete. got dateline la, den must study again the coding, den still got presentation. but if just concentrate with our email replies also sian like hell. aargh.. bullshit la all this. i HATE it.

i miss the almost empty mrt platform during the wekends and chinese new year. can choose anywhere i wanna stand or sit. so free, can breathe the quite fresh air from on top. but the celebrations has ended, though not officially, and the platform and trains are now back to cramped with stuffy and smelly people (excluding me).

i duno if u realise it but jurong is another home for banglas. the secondary to little india if u get what i mean. and they are a bunch of rushing and inconsiderate human beings. always wanna push to get inside train. then if no seats, stand together so closely hugging and touching each other. wth?

their actions speaks: "hello, wat u looking at? we represent the banglas' gay society..."
(o.O)" no offence to other indians. this only applies to banglas specifically.

i know i've said this before but i am officially claiming that i'm fat. no doubts bout that. these extra skin needs to go. i choose to call it skin to make it sound better for me. so dun comment. i wanna "Run baby Run, dun ever look back.". i feel big only in the belly area. noo.. ='(

i miss these people..

what the fuck, sia?

2009-01-28T20:33:00.004+08:00

with this i understood one thing. it never did occur to me. all this while i was holding on. i stood by my feelings. i held you high. above the expectations of my own successes. my honest words to foreign people only reflects how much this all meant to me.

i did not ask for sympathy nor did i search for help. questions came, and i answered with my heart. i meant no harm, no intentions of nothing. i just gave what i thought would relief the sorrow that i felt at that point of time. at that moment when i recalled that last second before i stepped out.

i thought you understood me. but i thought wrong. maybe, i was wrong. wrong to open my mouth unnecessarily. yes, i was wrong. forgive me for my ignorance. sincerely, i apologize, but do keep in mind one thing. no words that i say is ever to bring us down. i held you high in my heart, that i still love you so much, i only drew an imaginable picture of my affection and hopes so people could see clearly. i know you don't need all that.

all i ever wanted was for people to know and understand that my heart was just meant for you when doubts came in. again, i had no intentions but sincerity. please forgive me for ruining your day. it ruined mine just as much. and i loosened my grip.

be happy always....

my first acknowledgement of appreciation

2009-01-27T20:58:00.005+08:00

abang khairi at work. concentrate sehh. actually, i asked for my picture to be taken doing work. meaning i posed for this pic la. xD
i did 67 mails today.
beat my own record. however, it was a boring day.
so damn boring that...

even he fell asleep.
you know who's he? ladies and gentlemen,
presenting to you, my Team Leader(TL) named Ray.
the person who supervises us trainees. the person who checks our mails. the person who we ask for help. the person who is one of the upper guys in the office.
that bored huh?
i dun blame him though.
if i was him, i'd do the exact same thing. (:

okay, the next few pictures are abit blurry so pardon me.
you know, it feels really good to get these kind of replies.
but looking at wat i helped him with, i dun deserve that much of a credit.
but anyway, who cares? hehe..

that's his problem right there under the "Detailed Problem Description".
he doesn't know how to delete his music files. and he's asking for help.
so...

this is what i replied him. just click on the picture to enlarge it.
you can read better that way.
after my response, he sent in another reply saying that he still was not able to delete and all.
said there were error pop ups.
but before i was going to answer his reply, i saw another email with his name too in my inbox. so i opened it..

i figured that he must've downloaded some formatting software and that allowed him to eventually delete his files.
funny eh, getting this kind of ecstatic replies for just a simple form of assistance.
i'm thankful, really.
motivated me to beat my record of 62, which was yesterday.

oh well. this is not a boring update on work.
but still, work is just boring.

what the hell am i doing awake?

2009-01-27T01:48:00.000+08:00

i haven't been updating my blog for a few days. mind was too exhausted to think of what to type and though i've been going online, i did not step into blogger at all.

i'm trying to find something interesting to say. if i were to talk about work again, i bet my traffic will deteriorate vastly. who wants to read about a bored guy who talks boring shit about his boring work right? it's just so... boring.

anyway, met bro A.H today. talked bout random things like rush hour 3 and the politics of Malay nonrecognition in Singapore. marathons and biathlons and rock-climbing. rooftops and eclipse, and how cold and strong the wind blows at the 'spot'. oh, n how can we miss soccer? all the past soccer moments and what happened to us now. yeah. mostly random things. did a lot of catching up with lost time too. it was good.

ferza's still in indonesia i guess. alfian senyap je. i wanna go another jamming session with Evola. love how the music goes straight into my head and how the sound bursts into my eardrums. the crazyness of the band also. makes me go wild and lost into another world. it's like if a camera films by itself what's happening inside the jamming room, the lenses will be zooming in and out intentionally and the shutter speed is slowed down a little. i love the 'vibration' of the 'stage'.

i can't wait for my pay. i think it's high time i enrolled for my bike license. tried playing with my dad's phantom few days back. just moving off and braking. i fell once when it stalled. that phantom is too damn heavy for my own good.

it makes me nervous at some point thinking that i have to handle my own money. i used to be able to live normally without or with little amounts of cash. now i'm gonna get my own pay which sums up to be more that wat i usually get for a month's allowance. it's kind of frightening too cos i'm afraid the money will vanish *snap* just like that. i'm gonna have to draw out a financial-planner or some shit to handle this first-time pay. *grins*

i mentioned in my previous post that i'm gaining back the insomniatic hauntings. why the hell am i blogging at 2 am in the morning when i have to wake at 6 am for work later? i told my father bout this 'disease' and he said i inherited from him. or is it that i'm the one causing these sleepless nights by staring into this laptop ervery night. as if the screen at work isn't enough for the day. aaargh.. i'm ~~fcuking~~ working tomorrow. T.T

alright. that should be enuff. i'm getting tired of seeing words all day. my typing is improving though. and i completed the required quota yesterday. *smiles* hope i do again later.

I hope that the above updates are satisfying up to your standards. If you have any comments or inquiries, please do not hesitate to leave them at the tagboard and I will do my best to respond accordingly. Thank you for visiting Khairi's blog.

peace. (:

i'm furious when i shouldn't be, but why?

2009-01-27T01:28:00.000+08:00

i knew it.
though the chances were slim, it wasn't impossible.
it happened.
just as i pictured it in my mind.
am i supposed to be angry? no, but i'm furious.

it's not wrong.
everyone has curiosities.
i shouldn't be mad.
at the same time, i didn't have to know.
it's not like i can do anything about it anyway,
now that it's happened.

no, i shouldn't be thinking at this hour.
things would happen if it's meant to happen.
therefore just let it be.

words say only so much

2009-01-24T14:48:00.003+08:00

why...
why does it have to be this way..
each time when i thought all's well would end well..
something would just come up to bring everything down..
why..

u never lost..
u still have me..
even if it's not gonna be the same again..

i hope u understand..
we never asked for this to happen..
no, neither one of us did..
and you haven't lost..

itchy legs. more like restless legs. give me the balls.

2009-01-23T01:19:00.002+08:00

finally my rest days have arrived.
i can say i did pretty okay this week at work.
met to certain expectations i should say.
not impressive, but, i think should be quite acceptable.
apart from last sunday, i did 25 emails or more.

and the dead kak nana is now reincarnated. (i mean her blog)
like finally, after so many months. lol..
rajin2 la datang blog saye ye.

i miss soccer. shit.
next week, by hook or by crook, i wanna reschedule my off to sunday.
so that i can go down with the guys to the field and kick balls.
including the opponents'.
i miss my teammates.
all the best ya guys for the next game.
please win ok.

anyway, they lost 3-2 last sunday against some korean team.
for those who don't know, this season of the league has begin.
you can see updates on the Admirals FC blog (it's in my links).
or you can visit ESPZEN homepage. (click)

we need fans and supporters.
as the saying goes, on the field, the fans are the 12th player of the team.
so, please support us ok.

weii guys, aku nga promote team kite.. lol..
btw, last season we were champions of Division 9.
so this season we were brought up to Division 6.
hopefully we'll be champions again.
Admirals FC has gone a long way since i was in my primary.
only a few players then.
now, we have a champion team.
Admirals FC all the way.
i miss SOCCER!!

i will always love you

2009-01-23T00:00:00.004+08:00

23rd.
few more minutes to go.
reminiscing; how wonderful that journey was.
if only i had realised earlier, things won't go so bad.
i'm sorry, baby.
i love you - so very strongly i still do.

but if i should stay,
i would only be in your way.
so i'll go, but i know;
i will think of you every step of the way.
bittersweet memories,
that is all i'm taking with me.
so, goodbye. please, don't cry.
we both know i'm not what you need.
i hope life treats you kind
and i hope you have all you've dreamed of.
i wish to you joy and happiness.
but above all this, i wish you love.

and i will always love you.
i will always love you.
you, my darling you.

i remember this day.
so vividly.

the weirdest confession

2009-01-22T00:32:00.000+08:00

hello again readers.

i just came back from cuzz Naim's house. Primary objective was to visit my granddad with the family. Dad picked me up from Jurong East after work, went to Causeway Point's bazaar to buy food, picked up my younger sisters, then off to our destination.

I watched and learned. I began to understand how hard nursing can be. At that point of time, something just flashed into my mind. It's been stuck there since. Then i began to wonder about that thought and i see myself in the future - if ever i became like granddad. Touch wood! (or alternatively Choyy! as the chinese would say it). That was just an expression by the way. It's not like i'm really searching around for wood to touch, so dun worry.

Anyway, there is something more 'happening' than that. Guess what? For the first time ever in my life, i feel (*whispers*) fat. I can see my tummy growing bigger by the day. Is it because i've been neglecting my work outs. Now, i think i need to get obsessed with my body back again. Damn. Can you believe this? Khairi, who always said that his weight remains constant even after a lot of eating, finally admits that he feels (*whispers*) fat. That's 'happening' abes...

Work? No comments..
Okay, maybe just one comment?
It sucks.
I already sense the politics beginning to develop.
Typical office politics.

Look at the time. My face is like this. (0.0")

insomniac returns

2009-01-21T00:35:00.006+08:00

sore..
my eyes are sore.. well, not lyk the sore eyes but my eyes are really sore..
due to one simple reason which i strongly doubt you readers are not familiar with from my blog:
i've been having trouble sleeping.

actually, maybe there's another reason, which is staring at the computer for at least 7 hours each day at work (except for my off days).
i have been answering queries and providing troubleshooting steps to Creative customers everyday, but i can't even find an answer or a solution to get rid of this insomnia issue.
it's not related, but i don't care.

Bottom line is: I want to sleep. And just for the record, snore while I'm at it. (this acts as proof that I am really sleeping peacefully, which oh-i-so-wish-it-would-happen)

argh, i HATE insomnia. i reach home feeling so tired and energy-less, wash myself up first before i lay on my bed, and when i so confidently thought that i was gonna transform into a smaller version of Snorlax (Pokemon), my body chooses to be like the Cullens (Twilight) who don't sleep at all.

at work today, i was dozing off as i typed email responses. my eyes gave blurry vision and i had to squint real hard to sharpen my view. i dunno why but i think mocha, which has caffeine, does not help at all. seriously. my back is beginning to feel the pain of being stuck to onto a chair for so long. i'm a kinesthetic by the way.

that's what i've been doing to my eyes so oftenly for the past few days. it's hard when you are trying to do your work but your eyes don't seem to cooperate. i notice that everytime i look into the mirror, my eyes are red. it's ironic cos i get that everyday but when it's time for me to go to bed i'm not able to. the worst part is, i'm so very, extremely, undescribably tired.

i only have one question:
anybody can get me free sleeping pills?

i hope..

2009-01-19T00:14:00.003+08:00

it was nice..
some catching up..
and i know you're smiling..
tt's what i wished for..

thank you for making my day..
and night..

please be happy all the time..
i pray..

i'm glad i made yours too..
and the impact i had on your life..
those memories will never be erased..

forever close to my heart..
always clear in my mind..
never fade..
never die..

keep smiling..

p/s:
i hope God forgives our past mistakes..
i hope God brings back completeness with the ones that you love..
and i hope that one day, long after everything is back to the beginning, we'll be together again...

for now.. keep our memories strong.. (:

a past? no, a lifetime..

2009-01-17T13:20:00.000+08:00

speechless...

as i read those words.
my conscience suddenly disappeared.
i stared blankly.
repeatedly, from the top to the end, i sharpened my eyes with every word.
when my conscience returned,
an excruciating ache penetrated right through my heart.

because i can't deny that i still..
i still do..

21/ 08 /08
title: the love of my life.
label: a joy in poverty, a rose of thorns..

a dedication i made out of plain sincerity.
the memories of a love i will never forget.

i still do...
love you..

light vs dark

2009-01-16T00:55:00.003+08:00

ever so brightly the sun shone unto me.
the glare caught my eyes with burning rays.
a big explosion of light burst straight into my eyes.
and i recalled...

-- shimmering and sparkling.
those eyes that i dream of.
an unforgettable sight of awe.
words may describe, however the truth beyond compare. --

i used to love the dark..
now, i'm beginning to dislike it..
because darkness is all i have at this moment.
it's not pleasant, not one bit..

*my 200th post..

7 days cut off.
as of 16th Jan,
3 days remaining.

we love, still.

2009-01-14T19:36:00.006+08:00

as i looked back, i never thought that would be the last time.
walking down that path, each time wishing;
when i turn around, i would find her there.
so that i could run back, and give her a hug.

every morning when i wake up,
as too every night before i close my eyes,
in my heart a silent wish i whisper,
a wish that i thought was coming true.
indeed, it was.

now, my wish has changed.
no longer the one before will i whisper again.
this time, a same focus.
however, a different purpose.

i feel like a waterfall.
flowing down from a very high place.
just to land painful, but still alive.
from the external appearance, looks beautiful.
however empty in the inside.
hollow, just echoes of roaring water.
and most of all, cold.

i never asked for this to happen.
neither do you, my dear.
it wasn't easy, saying those words.
at crossroads i was, truly.

happiness.
we could have had all we needed.
already future investments have we made.
for one main purpose, one subject, one word.

it betrayed this love.
the absence of it, how do we cope?
no, i won't put yours at stake anymore.
with yours nonexistent,
the guilt weighs heavier on my shoulders.

i want you to be happy.
the same focus.
a different purpose -
to find yourself.

never do i wanna lose you,
but at the cost of you losing yourself to ones you love,
i cannot accept.
thus, that path i walked, looking back.
unaware it was the last time.
='(

when there was me and you..

.. this love..

.. ever as sweet as you..
my dearest..

it has begun

2009-01-12T21:12:00.004+08:00

as i figured.
nothing came.

left with empty hopes.
perhaps a retribution.

i'm nothing.

..14 days..
when it's over, it begins... hopefully..

useless regret, now taken place

2009-01-12T19:49:00.000+08:00

..sigh..

disappointment; of course it overwhelmed.
for in needed times he wasn't there.
the inadvertence in which he regretted.
yet again, too late.

now his place is lost.
his stand no longer as strong as before.
a basic rule he disobeyed.
that is, to deaf the cries of the other.

unlike anybody else, however;
he's aware that someone's in his place.
for that, he's thankful enough.
though he's not the remedy, at all.
the useless being he has been - not just recent, but for long;
puts him in no spot, to show that he cares -
nonetheless, he does.

forgive him for his neglect.
he knows it's not gonna be like before.
no longer like before.
on his knees; he's disappointed.
facing down; he's ashamed.
only at himself.

p/s: only for himself...

creative webcams training

2009-01-12T19:28:00.000+08:00

mp3 training done last week.
today was webcams.
tmr will be speakers and sound cards.

few new things i learned today.
the most important thing is of course, troubleshooting.
meddled with the different webcams.

i thought the webcams were cool cos they have this effects and motion detector features.
at first i was a bit 'jakun'; well, being me.
there was also the 'InPerson'.. it's something like a very small laptop, but only has a numpad, and buttons that a cellphone should have.
forgot to take a picture of it.

anyway, here are some pics i took using the webcam.

:: werewolf effect ::

:: goat effect ::

:: monkey banana effect ::

:: mirror effect ::

and finally, my favourite..
:: phantom effect ::
cool.